So while browsing good Ol’ Facebook, I came across an article written by Chuck Henderson on Wall Street insanity. First of all, the women he is getting this experience from must be sad little women.This whole article spent more time pissing me off trying to make important relationship conversations taboo than it was probably supposed to. After reading a ton of his stuff, he definitely isn’t a bad writer, and for some reason this one is just not his best.
The problem with this article, is that it sets men up to think that their girlfriends are delicate pieces of glass that can’t handle anything negative. When in all reality, Men have been scientifically proven to be more sensitive, but better at hiding it than his female counterpart. Owen Marcus* has an extremely well written article that goes into the science behind why this is true and how it has been proven in part one. The following is quoted from that article and the link is posted at the end in “credits”
“University of Pennsylvania neuroscientist Dr. Ruben Gur says that the same way men and women have different bodies, they have different brains — with eons of evolution creating distinct wiring. It goes well beyond the formative impact of testosterone and estrogen. Other studies elaborate on the biological link to male-female communication styles. Men are wired to act during times of high emotion, since emotion can lead to violence; there is a shut-off mechanism. He stops talking — just when women, wired entirely differently, want to talk. Boys are more fragile than girls medically and emotionally. Boys are more susceptible to birth defects and developmental disabilities; they are more vulnerable in the womb, with more fetuses lost in miscarriage. As children, they are more easily stressed, which means they cry more when they are upset and have a harder time calming down. And they are more emotionally vulnerable to the ill effects of extreme lack of affection.”
So, here is the article plus my annotations, and why it annoys me. Some of his points are totally valid, and that is also noted.
We all make mistakes. Forgetting to study for a test, blowing a presentation, invading Iraq—these are all things that can be forgiven and recovered from. But saying the wrong thing to your wife or girlfriend? That’s the kind of mistake you’ll be paying for the rest of your life.
— The rest of your life, really? Unless you tell your wife or girlfriend something completely heinous, chances are, she’ll probably just be pissed off about it a couple of days.
If you’ve ever uttered any of the phrases on this list, you probably realized your error right away and silently prayed for the ability to travel in time just so you could go back a few seconds and keep your damn mouth shut.
— Ugh, just, no. stop. I’m seriously hoping this is an article similar to something on the onion. please, just let this one thing be true.
Learn from those of us who have gone before you, my friends. Memorize these things and never say them, even if—no, ESPECIALLY if—you want to hurt her. Instead, take a deep breath, count to ten, then say one of the things on Part II of this list instead.
30 Things You Should Never say
This is in response to anything she asks you to do. She doesn’t know the meaning of the word unless it comes from her own lips.
–— What am I dying or something? Trust me, I know what the word “No” means, and if you can’t handle rejection, you are too young to be dating. If you can’t be honest with your significant other, you also should not be dating.
2. “Can I Kiss You?”
They hate this. It’s a total mood-killer. Just go for it. If she turns her head or pushes you away, that’s a much better form of rejection than the word, “No”
— I don’t hate this actually, a better way to say it however is probably “I really want to kiss you”. Please don’t listen to this article and start sexually assaulting innocent women, because the next thing out of your mouth will probably be “she was asking for it, the article said so”
3. “Did You Cum?”
If you have to ask, she shouldn’t have to answer.
— Also not true, I’m loud all the time, not just when I cum, so I promise, it’s okay to ask, but don’t get pissed when she’s honest with you, just finish her off.
4. “Is That What You’re Going To Wear?”
Best case scenario—you’ll be waiting around for an hour while she tries on ten different outfits.
–— so you are going to let your significant other go out looking like a moron? maybe you can help her instead of sitting around complaining for an hour.
5. “Are You Sure It’s Mine?”
Nothing good can come of this question. If you have doubts, do you own detective work.
— If there is a question of paternity, you should probably bring it up. it’s not a difficult test to be done, and later on when she takes your ass to court, it will look better for you. If there has been infidelity, or you weren’t exclusive, whatever the situation, talking about the issue right away is the best decision. This guy is a moron, but he’s right in the WAY you shouldn’t say these things. A pregnant women can be terrifying, trust me, I was one.
6. “What Are You Thinking About?”
Trust me, you don’t want to open that Pandora’s Box
—This guy is fucking stupid, if you care about your significant other, you should definitely want to pick her brain every once and a while. please not 4 or five times in an hour though, kay?
You let this one slip and she’ll hold it over you for the rest of your life. But it’s still not as bad as…
–I call me a bitch all the time, she won’t hold it against you forever, but I promise you will regret it.
Oh boy. This is the absolute worst thing you could ever call a woman and you should delete it from your vocabulary. There is no appropriate context. Unless you’re British. They can pull it off sometimes.
—Actually I can’t argue this one. Not even the British should use this one. please, just stop.
9. “Calm Down”
I assure you, this will have the opposite of the intended effect.
— Depending on the situation, a safer bet is,” let’s just take a deep breath, and talk about it”. Pretending that she isn’t over reacting is probably a bad idea too.
10. “That Time Of The Month?”
Or any variation thereof. Do you have a death wish?
— If she is craving sweets, having cramps and is super bitchy, it’s totally legitimate to ask her if she’s got a rendition of The Texas Chainsaw massacre in her pants. Your reaction to it should be chocolates, pamprin, and a back rub. Acting like a period is the most disgusting thing on the planet is just going to make her uncomfortable with you, stop acting like a child. Especially if you don’t want children at this time, it’s a reminder from mother nature that she isn’t baking your genetic bun in her oven. Pipe the fuck down and be thankful. However, if you do want children, it’s a sign that she is healthy enough to continue to cycle, take note of the days and use it to stick your genetic bun in her oven approximately two weeks later.
11. “She’s Hot.”
She might try to bait you with a “Do you think she’s pretty?” Don’t fall for it.
—I check girls out, because I also like girls. I can’t pipe in on this one.
12. “I’m Such A Loser”
Or any self-deprecating shit like that. Even if you don’t really mean it, even if you’re just down in the dumps, save that one for your therapist. She wants you to be confident.
—It’s okay to express your self-doubt to your partner, especially if it is a really big deal to you. If you can’t use your relationship as a source of mutual love and support, why are you in it? Please see my previous article, “Bad relationships, I can’t” for more info on that.
13. “Are You Really Going To Eat All That?”
You might as well go ahead and call her a fatty. No sex for you.
—yeahhh, don’t comment on that.
14. “My Ex…”
There’s no right way to finish that sentence, even if you were going to slam a past girlfriend. She wants you to forget every other woman you’ve dated.
—actually, I think that slamming an Ex is worse than speaking positively. If you are willing to spill all of her deepest darkest secrets to me, then I definitely wouldn’t trust you with mine. Also, I firmly believe that using every relationship as a learning experience is what teaches us how to be in a GOOD relationship, and how not to maintain it.
15. “What Did You Do To Your Hair?”
I don’t care if she shaved her head bald. Tell her you love it and wait for it to grow back out.
— Eh, I think you can definitely express not liking her hair. However, be sure to tell her you didn’t like her because of her hair and it’s not that big of a deal and you definitely still love/like her, or whatever. Men need to be loved, but women need to feel wanted.
16. “That’s Your Mother Talking.”
Comparing her to her mother, especially in a negative light, is the height of idiocy. That’s a complicated relationship, and you don’t know shit about it.
—I am a mom, so lots of mom things come out of my mouth. A lot of times I sound JUST like my mom, and I am proud of that fact.
17. “I Think I’ll Sit This One Out.”
If she asks you to go somewhere with her, even if she promises that it’s okay if you say no, she expects you to go.
—If she says it’s fine for you not to go, read her expressions and body language, you can just tell if she actually wants you to go. Also, if you really don’t want to go, she shouldn’t make you either.
18. “I Hate Your Friends.”
You don’t have to love her friends, but if you tell her you hate them, that’s a personal insult to her.
—Not piping in on this one, but if you like her and not her friends, it’s probably just lust, because chances are, she’s just like them. I know my friends and I are so similar, it’s scary.
19. “Can You Pick Up The Check This Time?”
You cheap bastard, just be a man and pay the bill.
— You really should not be expected to pick up every bill, because let’s be realistic, dating is expensive. I firmly believe if you can’t be honest about your financial position, you should NOT be dating.
20. “It’s A Guy Thing. You Wouldn’t Understand.”
She’ll think you’re calling her stupid.
— I would never assume that he thinks I’m stupid, but again, if you can’t be open and honest with your partner, WHY ARE YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP.
21. “How Many Guys Have You Slept With?”
Most of the time, you really don’t want to know.
—This is a legitimate question, talking about your personal experience makes it easier for you to protect yourself, the reality is that sexually transmitted diseases happen, and making it a taboo situation is just setting you up for walking on eggshells about it.
22. “Can We Have A Threesome?”
If you really want one, you can’t just come out and ask for it. You have to get her to suggest it. It takes a lot of groundwork.
—Chances are, if she’s into it, she’s into it, if she’s not, she’s not. Bring it up casually instead and express that it’s a fantasy of yours. I can’t pipe in too much, because again, I like boys and girls.
23. “I’m Not In The Mood.”
Just soldier up, my friend. Rejecting your girl’s sexual advances is a good way to get cut off altogether.
—No. Just, do not under any circumstance have sex when you don’t want to. It is okay for her to not want it and it is okay for you to not want it. She might be a bit thrown off by it, but it is okay for you to have one of those days.
24. “I Don’t Care.”
If she’s asking for your opinion, give one. Telling her you don’t care what movie you see or what you want to eat is like telling her you’re not interested in contributing to the relationship.
—-This is literally my biggest pet peeve on the planet, aside from chewing with your mouth open. I fucking hate this phrase, so don’t use it. at least he got this one right.
25. “You Knew I Was Like This.”
Big mistake. You’re not only agreeing that you have a character fault, but you’re also refusing to work on it.
—Why are you in a relationship in the first place if you aren’t willing to better yourself!?
26. “You’re Crazy.”
Even if it’s true, you don’t ever want to say this to a woman’s face. Do it and you’ll see a whole new level of crazy.
—I’m not even touching this one.
27. “You Don’t Look So Good.”
You might be concerned that she’s sick or didn’t get any sleep, but she looks perfect all the freaking time. Remember that.
— If you are concerned, you need to ask her. Stop walking around on eggshells, she probably feels like shit, and showing that you are concerned is going to make her feel just a teeney tiny bit better.
28. “You Should Ask My Mom How To Cook.”
Oh, you dumb little bastard. She’s more likely to ask your mom how she managed to raise such a moron.
––If she really doesn’t know how to cook, maybe you should ask your own mom, dickhead.
29.“Have You Gained Weight?”
That should be a no-brainer. She can criticize your body shape, hers is off-limits.
30. “Will You Marry Me?”
Just kidding. Sort of. Just try to make sure you only say this once.
—I’m a marriage hater, no comment.
5 Things You Should Say
1. “I’m Sorry.”
If you feel a big blow-out coming on, just swallow your pride and say it’s all your fault. You have better things to do and more important principles to stand on.
—WHAT is wrong with this picture? Oh, probably just everything. You should certainly own up to your mistake, but there is no need to take all of the blame when it is also her fault. Also, if she can’t accept her part in the problem, the problem will never be resolved and you with argue about it ALL. THE. TIME.
2. “Tell Me All About It.”
You say this and she’ll talk for forty-five minutes straight. All you have to do is nod along and you’ll be branded a great listener.
—Nod along? You should actually, I don’t know, listen? There is a reason she is coming to you with a problem, and if you are dating her then you should care about her problems too. OR YOU SHOULDN’T BE DATING.
3. “You’re Great At That.”
Just keep this one out of the bedroom. Boosting her confidence is always a good thing. You want her to feel elevated by you.
—Maybe I’m a little different, but honestly I don’t need my boyfriend to tell me I’m good at something. If I am, I know it, and if I’m not, I definitely know it. Raise your standards just a little bit boys, and find a woman who can be confident all on her own.
4. “I’m So Glad You’re In My Life.”
Who wouldn’t love to hear that? It’s a great catch-all, and can diffuse almost any domestic dispute.
—How about instead you stop being so lazy and say, you make me a better person? Or maybe, I couldn’t imagine my life without you. Then be ready to list at LEAST 5 reasons why you think that. If you can’t come up with 5 reasons not involving sex, why are you in that relationship?
5. “You’re So Beautiful.”
We get lazy with this one the longer the relationship goes, but you should try to remember to say it at least once a week.
—Once a week? That is pathetic.
This is the little shit who wrote the original list: http://wallstreetinsanity.com/30-things-you-should-never-say-to-a-woman-and-5-things-you-should/
This is the well written article about sensitive men: http://owenmarcus.com/uncategorized/guess-what-turns-out-men-are-more-sensitive-than-women-part-1/